Tag Archives: Beer

The Desperate Husband Facebook Quiz

After answering too many Facebook Quizzes, I think I am now in a position to create a Facebook quiz of my own in my own unique style. Like Sokka says in “The Avatar” – “This is the kind of Time wasting nonsense I have been waiting for!”.

This quiz will help you find How Desperate a Husband you are, Yes this is “The Desperate Husband” Quiz and here it goes!

1. What is your Favourite TV Show?

a. Get Lost.

b. Villains.

c. American Bridal

d. Anderson Hooter 69 degrees.

2. What is your Favourite drink?

a. Beer.

b. Whiskey.

c. Milk.

d. Coconut water.

3. What do you do on a Friday Evening?

a. Beer, Dinner, <Censored Event> and Sleep.

b. Dinner, Beer, <Censored Event>, <Censored Event> and Sleep.

c.  Dinner, <Censored Event>, Sleep, <Censored Event>, Beer and Sleep for real.

d.  All of the above.

4. What is your Favourite Transport mechanism?

a. Bullock Cart

b. Horse

c. Big ass 4 Wheel drive Pickup truck, even though I don’t pickup anything and just drive that to work with lunch and laptop.

d. Instantaneous Travel by Worm holes, I mean through the holes created by Earthworms.

5. What is your Favourite movie that you would like to watch with your Spouse?

a. Star Wars Episode IV

b. Star Wars Episode V

c. Star Wars Episode VI

d. None of the above, because I would really like to watch Star Wars Episode I, II and III.

6. How bored are you?

a. Just Bored.

b. I am so Bored, I will even take “Desperate Housewives” Quiz even though I am a Man.

c. I am so Bored, I thought this was a real Facebook quiz and started writing down answers.

d. I am so Bored, I wrote a Blog post named “Desperate Husband Facebook Quiz”.

Strange thing will be that even though this is a “Desparate Husband” Quiz, it will be taken by every one of every age and sex in spite of their marital status. What will be even more strange is, though there can be at least 24 combination of answers to the above Quiz, every single one of them who take this quiz will get only one answer.

How Much of a Desperate Husband are you?

Answer: Pretty Desperate

Logical Classification

We all know there are two kinds of Sex – Men and Women (What did you think?). For the sake of simplicity I will not be considering the third kind in this post, no offense to them. Being a Computer Engineer who carefully works out his problems for days before strategically placing that one single if statement in a sea of millions of lines of codes, I devoted 2 whole minutes to categorize the logic with which Men and Women work.

Men Follow Binary Logic.

In Binary there are only 2 states – 0 or 1. You can also call it Off or On. Pretty straightforward and simple. Here are some examples to prove why Men follow Binary logic:

1. Do you like Electronics?

Mostly the answer is Yes. But if it is not the case then it is usually a simple No.

2. What would you like for Lunch?

Whatever you cook honey. You always cook well. (Or) I need Hyderabadi Biryani today, I mean what’s with Sambar Rice and Spinach on Mondays eh!

3. Shall we have Pizza tonight?

Sure. (This is a very easy question and will be answered quicker if beer is allowed to be consumed with Pizza).

4. Are you going to wear a Blue shirt or Red Shirt to the party?

The answer will be Blue or Red, Men stay within choices most of the time.

5. Would you like a Macbook or iPod Touch?

The answer will be Both, It is still within the choices though.

Women Follow Fuzzy Logic.

In Fuzzy logic there are more than 2 states. It is not just On or Off, but it can be anything from slightly on to extremely on and slighty off to extremely off, including completely on and completely off. If you feel this explanation is fuzzy then that is what is called Fuzzy logic. Let’s look at the same examples:

1. Do you like Electronics?

Not all of them, I mean sure iPods are cool, but what’s with this 802.11n router? I just hate its color and what’s the deal with big TVs, Men are always obsessed with Big things. (Now was this a yes or no?)

2. What would you like for Lunch?

You mean you are going to cook now? That is so sweet of you. Thank you so much honey. Unless, you are trying to prove that you can cook better than me. Are you trying to challenge me? Oh we will see how that goes.  (The Man was actually meaning to say, which restaurant she would prefer, but oh well!)

3. Shall we have Pizza tonight?

Pizza is not good for health. We shouldn’t have Pizza. I hate that particular place anyway. I like it in this specific restaurant. (So, are we having the Pizza or not?).

4. Are you going to wear a Blue dress or Red dress?

Hmmm, How about if I wear a pink one? Oh wait I know I will wear that light Green salwar. I think I need more dress. (What happened here?)

4. Would you like a Macbook or iPod Touch?

Ooh, you know what. I love that pink iPod nano. I will have that. (For God’s sake I was gonna get you a Macbook!).

Now let’s ask a few questions to Men and Women:

MEN:

1. Will you be offended by this post?

It will be a Yes or No.

2. What are the chances that this blogger is going to be flamed by Women?

Oh! He is dead meat!

WOMEN:

1. Will you be offended by this post? I am not sure, I mean it was funny but some of it is cliched though. I might excuse him but I am enraged that he used Pink two much. We like other colors too.

2. What are the chances that this blogger is going to be flamed by Women?

Oh! He is Dead Meat!

Well, atleast Men and Women have the same logic for the last question. Either way, I am Dead Meat!

Per Reema’s Request, I am inserting this funny cartoon that exactly portrays what I said. Thanks Reema!

men-and-women-switches1

Super Sekar – Death of the Mega Serials

INTRODUCING SUPER SEKAR:

Sekar is an average ordinary young Bachelor. He has no six pack and is not a sportsman, but an average software developer working for a dinky little software company in Bangalore. His ambitions are not high. He likes his beer filled Fridays and yearns to win over a babe someday. He wanted to be a Superman but he was not sure if his company dress code allowed him to wear the underwear on top of his pants instead of the other way around. Like any average person, his life is a roller coaster ride and sometimes he likes to thrill himself with adventures and sometimes he falls into an adventure by accident. Gentle Ladies and Tough Men, I present to you Super Sekar and his adventurous life.

DEATH OF THE MEGA SERIALS:

Mega Serials are the Great Indian Soap opera shows that revolve around Daughter in laws, Mother in laws, Son in laws, Father in laws and their near and distant relatives. The Indian soaps that have been haunting Most Women and some men, episode after episode for nearly a decade, will come to an end.

Several TV channels have not been revealing the latest ratings for their Soap shows. It has found that there has been a start of steady decline of soap viewership right around the end of 2005. Media executives have been scrambling numbers and conducting surveys after surveys to find out what is wrong – is the relationship drama too boring? Do we need to add extra marital stuff? Do people need some explicitly revealing scenes? No was the answer for everything. Perhaps it was the new breed of reality TV shows, but they were not sure either. Till this day the executives are running around like chickens with head cut off and cannot come to any conclusion for this cause.

Super Sekar during his regular friday visit to the pub bumps into a Page 3 crowd which incidentally has some of the media executives. He speaks to these executives but no one seemed to divulge any information to him even after getting hammered with 5 shots of tequila. They just cursed Sekar with profanity and asked him to stay away. Super Sekar was really pissed, not just from the lousy pitcher beer, but for the treatment that he received from those executives and he is determined to get back at them.

Super Sekar decides to look at the market directly and hence he spends a few hours eaves dropping on the viewers and finds out what people were talking about. He travelled in his hypersonic jet to the heart of Chennai at T.Nagar and hears an interesting conversation, as he eats his Sambar rice for lunch “To Go”ed from Saravana Bhavan.

“I like his way of bringing out Humour in everything, that is the part that makes me want more and more”

“Clearly, he has the motivation of entertaining people. Do you know if there is anyone who writes like this?”

“Yeah there are quite a few, Here it is, I track them in my bookmark and visit each of them everyday without fail. The comments section is the best part, that is where all the riot happens. Total time pass”

Super Sekar jots down a few notes and flies in his jet to Mumbai. It was around afternoon at about 3PM as he enters the Dalaal street, the home of Indian stock market. He spots a conversation between two stock brokers and settles there, munching his Vada paav bought from a Push cart shop:

Broker1: “Ab ye dekh, yeh Chote khan apne Kutte ko Badshah bol raha hai” (Now Look, This shorty khan is calling his dog the emperor khan)

Broker2: “Are main inka bachon wali khel nahin padtha hoon. Apun to Bade miyan ka padtha hoon” ( I don’t read these childish fights, I read the Big Guy’s)

Passerby: “Hey guyz, leave those stuff. Did you see how RGV got back at his critics, man that was some juicy stuff”

Super Sekar notes down a few points after hearing the conversation and looking at the monitor full of red colored numbers and arrow marks pointed downwards. He takes off in his jet to the Capital city of the country, New Delhi. He buys a mug of Sweet Lassi on his way and parks himself by an apartment at the 3rd floor. He overhears the conversation of two housewifes:

“Has she delivered yet?”

“She must have, She is past her due date. May be she is still in the hospital that’s why she hasn’t written anything yet”

“Refresh, hit refresh, keep hitting it”

Super Sekar notes down what they were doing and walks away. He stumbles upon a flower pot in the balcony and breaks it. “Who is there” the housewives shout and Super Sekar quickly jumps into his jet that was floating in mid air by the balcony. The housewives see this and pick a small pebble from the broken flower pot and throw it at the jet, and it lands right into Sekar’s shirt pocket. Sekar doesn’t even realize this and he simply concentrates on turning on the jet and flees from the spot.

From there Sekar flies straight down to Bangalore for his final analysis and confirmation of the phenomenon. He lands straight into the campus of the biggest IT office in Bangalore (not his), gets off his jet and runs around the corner of the building carefully hiding himself. He steps on a box on the way. Sekar being the curious type opens the box and is shocked to find a bomb. With his Super duper Bomb diffusing skills he cuts the red wire, blue wire and then a magenta wire and stops the bomb from exploding. Sekar gets up and walks off to continue his mission while just then a security guard walks by and notices Sekar walking away from the box.

“Hey hey stop … you” cries the Guard. Sekar flees into the building up the stairs.

“What the hell was he doing with the power meter that we replaced!” exclaimed the Guard looking at the cut wires.

Sekar slips into a cubicle and tries to snoop in on a conversation. it was around 6PM now and the IT employees were now in a complete chit chat mode. He knows why they do not leave office at that time as they were trying to beat the traffic. To kill the time it seems they were doing the universal time pass task of IT employees – Browsing.

“Ha ha … That was a funny one, let me forward it to my friends.”

“Hey forward it to me, I am going to post it in my blog.”

“In your blog? no way I am going to post it in mine. If you want you can link it to me”

Sekar finally comes to a conclusion as visible in his clever wicked smoldering smile. He has now got what he needs, writes down a few conclusion points and runs away from the place. The security guard comes running down the pavement shouting “Hey, Stop” but Sekar quickly gets into the lift and goes down to the basement where his hypersonic jet is parked. He gets on the jet and starts up the engine. The security guards now gather in a gang and try to chase Sekar in their jeep. But due to a massive difference in horsepower between the ordinary jeep and Sekar’s hypersonic jet, Sekar gets away so fast that he can’t even hear their shouts. He hardly gives them the time to even recognize him.

Sekar flies off straight to the head quarters of the TV channel where the executives who humiliated him in the pub, were working. He peeks through the window and sees the executive sitting in his chair holding a cup and thinking seriously. He picks up a piece of paper and writes down a line quickly. He tries to look around for a weighty object and lo behold finds a pebble in his shirt, a pebble in his pocket thrown at him during his trip to Delhi. He picks the pebble and wraps it around by that paper and ties it with a rope from the Saravana bhavan Parcel potlam (Pack) and gets ready to aim and throw at the executive. Right then, he gets a wicked idea, a what if?

Super Sekar breathes in steadily and firmly. He places the tiny paper pebble bundle in his rear and with the power of the reaction between the Sambar rice, Vada paav with a neutralizing effect of the lassi generates an immensely pressurized gas in his stomach and propels the paper pebble bundle with a loud powerful fart. The bundle flies off in a trajectory in the direction of the window, the executive just then puts the cup down and starts a big lazy yawn. The bundle still flying crashes through the glass of the window and lands straight into the mouth of the executive.

The executive chokes a bit and manages to pull out the bundle from his mouth. He reads:

“It’s the blogs stupid!”

He then wonders, “Hmm… what’s that smell! and What the hell is a blog!”

Super Sekar gets on his jet and flies away as the camera zooms into his wicked smiling face and then into his eyes that seems to say “See you all Soon, Folks!”

SUMMARY: This is an imaginary story to describe how the Blogosphere is gaining popularity among the Indian Media audience and how the Television Soap shows are loosing its luster due to it. The characters and incidents are purely fictional. You should have found that out as soon as you read about Hypersonic Jet in the hands of a Software Developer.

Random Access Memories

Do not worry, this is not a highly technical article on RAMs and their size and bus speed (Which is not the speed of bus number 23c or 47A). It is a Tag on memories from Usha at Agelessbonding.

Memory has always fascinated me. A Human brain can hold so much information that no discounted online retail store’s Tera Byte hard disks can hold. Yet sometimes it is hard to remember what you ate yesterday for lunch. We tend to remember things in the order of significance to ourselves and those that are important to us. I still remember my first bicycle that I used to go around Madurai but I may or may not remember by friend’s first bicycle. So here goes the tag:

MY OLDEST MEMORY:

I remember my Kindergarten days. It was a small home based school by the street corner of our house. My Paternal Grandma used to take me to that school everyday and she would bring me home for lunch. I remember the summer days when I used to have Mangoes with lunch. There was a test that we were taking once and I was using a pencil to write. I pressed the pencil so hard that the lead broke and I was trying to write with the small left over lead really hard. I have no idea how I did in that test and how many marks I scored.

TEN YEARS AGO:

Warning: Alcohol consumption is injurious to health.

I was in my Final year of College. I had a Job in hand from the campus interview and this was when I had tasted my first beer. It was awful, I had to brush my teeth to get rid of the stink from my mouth. We used to go for treats every time one of our friends were selected in a Job interview. When the cash flow is high we used to go to the Pub at Residency inn (Tinto it is called I think) and when the cash flow is really low, we would go to a local wine shop called Om Sakthi Wines and have fun at the Besant Nagar Beach. Me and my best friend didn’t drink. We kept accounts and gobbled up the side dishes.

MY FIRST THOUGHT IN THE MORNING:

Thank God it’s Friday

IF YOU BUILT A TIME CAPSULE WHAT WOULD IT CONTAIN:

iMac, iPod, Universal Power adapter and Some amount of Hope that where I go, there will be an Internet Connection and my iMac will not be too outdated.

THIS YEAR:

It has been a hectic year so far, but I have enjoyed every bit of it with my family.

14 YEARS FROM NOW:

I would be about 44 years old and I don’t care where I would be or What I would work on or How much I would be earning, but as long as I lead a simple peaceful life with my family, that is all I need.

Update: In a memory tag, I forgot to tag at the end of the post. I will leave it open for anyone to take it. I am not tagging any one in particular yet I don’t mean to tag every one. You take the tag if you like.

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