2.0

Ever since there was Web 2.0, I don’t know if it revolutionized the Internet very much, but the suffix 2.0 has caused a huge stir in the vocabulary of common geek man (Common Geek is one who lusts for that 1TB USB external hard drive for $99 through techbargains.com).

Here is what has happened so far:

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Geek Husband: Honey, Dosa is so boring. It is simple and plain like the old text only Internet.

Wife: Ok, Let me get creative.

Geek Husband: Wow! I love this tomato Dosa, Wow Spicy Dosa and Masala dosa, Double Wow! This is so good, this is so latest, this is so Dosa 2.0!

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Wife: (In a Hot tone) Honey, what we are going to experience tonight is going to be like never before, It is going to be so 2.0

Geek Husband: (Reddish and Profusely sweating and stammering) ehhhh…errr… really …2.0?

Wife: What! Did you forget? We are going out for Ice skating tonight? I told you … Don’t you remember!

Geek Husband: Ohhh! that … Skating 2.0! I thought … never mind! (Wiping the sweat)

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… In a early 2000′s Yahoo chat room …

mduveeran: Yo all, Cricket is so boring don’t you think! Hate the one whole day games and completely reject 5 days!

rdrav2000: Get off mduveeran, You know nothing about cricket and its technicals.

lmodi2008: a/s/l please?

sach2001:  Hmm, agree with you rdrav2000. lmodi2008, boooriinnnggg! ask any other question.

mduveeran: ahhhhhhh, I am yelling. I will Pee and come back and Yell! No one is listening to my Idea, Cricket 2.0!

lmodi2008: Hmm, I will Pee and Yell. Hmm, I Pee Yell. hmm, IPL. Got it guys, Cricket 2.0. May be we should play 20 overs a side game.

rdrav2000: Ha ha ha, In your dreams lmodi2008!

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The above dialogues are completely Imaginary 2.0 and has nothing to do with any real life character 2.0.

Powerfully Painful Presentations

In the corporate world, it is not very difficult to randomly end up as an audience for a power point presentation. Power point presentations are 50 times more effective than a sleeping pill or a tranquillizer, where 50 is the average number of slides that every presentation contains. The sleep is gradual though. It takes 3 steps in 3 slides to take you into the dream world.

THE TITLE SLIDE:

This indicates what is coming. Usually, it will not give any idea about the content, but when the speaker starts with his/her introduction of the topic with this slide, it will all be very clear – you are about to experience a nice hour long siesta. The introduction and the title slide serves like a nice little lullaby that makes you comfortable in your push back chair. Here is an example slide:

BULLETS:

Bullets are the ammunitions of a Powerpoint presenter (Pun intended). Statistically there is atleast 5% of the presentation devoted to bullet points. Nah, I just made that up, It should be 20%. Oh well, who cares anway! Oh and this is the step when you Yawn. You will yawn hard and deep and wide like a Hippopotamus. Bulletproofing will not help. Here is a sample slide (The contents of the slide is only an example and is not indicative of anything real. If it does coincide with the presentation you just spoke/listened to then it was definitely stolen from here)

GRAPH:

The intention of a slide that contains a complicated and completely unintelligible graph is to show the coolness and the geek quotient of the presenter. Nothing makes you look intelligent than a picture of bars of various heights. This is it. This is the step where you fall asleep. It will be an instant knock out. But, you have to keep in mind that if you force yourself to be awake beyond slide 3, you will suffer from Insomnia for the rest of the presentation and you will be unable to sleep at all after that. Here is an example graph slide:

ORGANIZATION CHART:

If you are still awake and reading the slides, you will come across atleast one slide like this if someone is getting released from your project or getting fired altogether.

1. You will not know where you fit in this figure and under whom.

2. You will keep wondering who that Cute girl is, as there are not one woman in your floor, leave alone your project. No, it is not your dream girl or your boss’s dream girl.

3. This chart would have been prepared a week ago so the Guy with a beard would have shaved and someone else would have grown the beard. This is how several positions get interchanged in the corporate world.

4. You will count how many shirts you have.

The last slide will have the Letters Q and A put together by “&”. This is were a lot of other folks will start speaking besides the speaker himself. This is due to a known deficiency syndrome called Interest Defect (Known in Tamil as Aarva kolaru). “Doubtfire”s will be firing the doubts at the presenter who will answer them in 3 possible choices – Yes, No, Pass. A point to note here is, if you see yourself speaking or any cute girl speaking, then you are simply hallucinating, just go back to sleep.