Buckles of Belt

As a young boy once I had fascination towards various styles of Belt Buckles. Big Oval ones, Shiny big rectangle ones I have tried all sorts of gaudy belt buckles before. But Time (thankfully) helps us mature and grow out of this Gaudy Belt Buckle syndrome (BBS). I can safely wash off my past and say that I have grown out of it. I had realized that the special kinds of Belt Buckles are only supposed to be worn by Bobby Deol and once that moment of self realization set in, I not only gave up the Gaudy buckles but developed hatred towards it.

I now prefer to wear plain simple formal belts for work and a slightly wider brown leather belt with the jeans. I have simplified my belt choices to these 2 and am not planning to look back.

The prejudice in this is that you would expect anyone in your age range or higher to follow this same simple principle. How wrong I was. It disturbs me to notice the Gaudy belt buckle syndrome from someone who definitely looks much older than you. I can forgive every single annoying thing done by anyone, but wearing a huge eagle Belt buckle is simply a no no. For a moment I would have pulled my eyeballs out, but wanted to keep it to see the other pleasant things in the world. It was one of the WTF moments that haunts you throughout your work day.

I may have to give them a “Wearing a decent belt 101″ lesson which will really consist of just 2 points – simple 1 inch black for formals, simple 1.5 inch brown for jeans.

It is ok if you have a small crocodile on the buckle as long as it comes from Lacoste. But if you really want to wear a belt with a crocodile on the buckle, please make sure the crocodile logo is not inverted, otherwise I will find you, tilt you upside down and make you walk on your hands!

Filling Medical Questionnaire

To fill a Medical questionnaire one needs courage. Wait, not courage, you need intelligence, Super human that is, and a lot of patience. Atleast the questionnaire that I got to fill for my Annual checkup.

Name: Are you sure you need my name again? Because I just filled it 10 times on the registration form and printed my name under 15 signatures on privacy notices.

After the name, the form goes on with trivial information like DOB, Today’s date (I will gift you a calendar so you can see today’s date for yourself everyday), place of birth and Reason for visit (Duh!), all of this that was already mentioned in the previous registration/insurance forms.

Family History: Has any blood relative had the following: (Circle if yes)

Mental Illness, Cancer, Diabetes, Stroke, High Cholesterol – Nope none of these even remotely match the word “yes” or even abbreviate to “yes”, So I am not circling them.

Social History: And under this comes the occupation. Are you trying to insult me? You want me to say that of all the great things on earth like Mountaineering, Rafting, Photography, Scientists, I am a mere Software Engineer as Occupation when it comes to my Social History? I understand you are enjoying the peak of your career as a doctor but is this your way of asking your patients to fill their profession and calling it a Social History, to have a sarcastic chuckle? Why wasn’t this called Employment history?

Then comes a blunt question: Are you (circle): Single Married Divorced Widowed.

I am not Circle, I am not square, I am an irregular shaped humanoid. Now what do you want me to do with the other 4 words?

Do you smoke? Yes No. I answered No but it went on to ask How much? and I am left to wonder how to answer How much I don’t smoke!

Exercise Program: Walking around the apartment to get to important places like Bathroom, Fridge, Couch. And as a software engineer I haven’t written any “Program” for Exercise.

List all Medication allergies: I don’t like medicines. They leave a bitter taste in my tongue, unless it tastes good like Benadryl. So you can take it that I am allergic to all medicines.

Surgical History: Nope, I haven’t conducted or performed any surgery on anyone, not even as a 17 year old trying to enter Guinness record, and not even insects or frogs, I was a Computer science major.

Non Surgical History: List all hospitalization without Surgery – Let me check the yellow book and see if there are any hospitals without Surgery department and then get back to you on it.

Sometimes a seemingly trivial but a necessary questionnaire can leave you wondering “WTF”, not just a medical form but it can apply elsewhere too. At somepoint we must all have been Vogons, why on earth otherwise we have to fill form after forms for every single thing that needs to be done.

Like Munnabhai said, “Aadmi martha hai, thab form bharna jaroori hai kya?” (When a man is dying, is it necessary for him to fill the form?).