Apple finally takes the plunge and announces the iPhone for a country with a huge cell phone market, India. The title does look like a very serious Wall street analysis of what the effect of iPhone will be on the country, but heck no. This is definitely not so. No Truth, all Gapsa, buruda and Peela.
This post is highly imaginative and has no resemblance to anything or anyone which or who is real or fictional, except iPhone, Apple, Me and You. The iPhone will be put to a lot of use in India that Apple didn’t even think of even in it’s dreams (or nightmares).
1. Dravidian Party’s Election Manifesto:
“Pamara Makkalukku Tholaikatchi evvalavu mukkiyamo, Adhe pol Tholaipesi miga mukkiyamanathu. Aagave, naangal Atchikku vanthal ovvoru ezhai kudumbathinaruku oru Kann Tholaipesi (iPhone) ilavasamaga vazhangapogirom”
– A Common man needs a phone more than a TV, so if we come to power we will give away an iPhone to every poor family for free.
The party wins the election and iPhones get distributed. First to the party people, then party members, then party thondars and then party Gundars. The party Gundars then take care of distributing it to Nochikuppam suruli dhadha, Dumeel kuppam vavval and Kaasimedu Adhi. Poor family waits for next gen iPhone during the next election.
2. Arjun Singh and reservation:
“This is a total outrage. iPhone belongs to Aam Aadmi, so I am going to announce and fight for a 33% reservation of iPhones to all Backward class people”
“Are you saying that retailers have to sell 33% of the phones to BC ?”
“No, when people buy their iPhone they have to leave back 33% of their iPhone at the shop for the BC people”
“What about the BC People?”
“Obviously they will take a 33% piece of an iPhone along with the unit they purchase”
“But it (the iPhone) won’t work?”
“Sure it will, You are questioning my policy, it will definitely work if it is implemented”
3. P.Chidambaram and his taxes:
“In order for iPhone to reach every common man, I will be announcing a 100% excise duty cut on the iPhone units.”
“In order to meet the Petrol subsidy bills, I will be announcing a 2% petrol cess tax on every iPhone”.
Of course, the communist party opposes.
4. Bal Thackeray on iPhone:
“The iPhone is an outsider. We will not allow it in our state, unless it is called the Mumphone to rhyme with Mumbai. oh! the dictionary has Bombay in it, we will cross it out and change it to Mumbai with a Saffron marker”
5. Vairamuthu changes his lyrics:
“iPhone mani pol sirippaval ivala …”
– is she the one who laughs like the iPhone’s ringtone?
6. The Hindu Fundamentalists:
“The Black color iPhone hurts the sentiments of Hindus, we demand Apple to manufacture a Saffron color iPhone and not a black one. Until then we will keep burning effigies of black iPhones.”
7. The Muslim Fundamentalists:
“The white color iPhone hurts the sentiments of Muslims, we demand Apple to manufacture a Green color iPhone and not a white one. Until then we will keep burning effigies of white iPhones.”
8. NDTV: For the first time in History the Hindus and Muslims unite for the same cause. The plea against iPhone has brought the Hindu and Muslim brothers and sisters together.
9. Mobile Maamis: Sun TV sees a huge market with Mobile maamis and starts beaming Soap Shows a.k.a Mega serials directly to the iPhone. Maamis can’t resist the offer and watch reruns after reruns of chithi and chithappa on the go.
10. Software Engineers: Buy iPhones, download SDKs, learn to code, gets bored and ends up reading useless blogs like mine and enjoys the time of his/her life.