In those days Grocery shopping was pretty easy. It usually involved only a few steps:
– Mom makes a list of things to buy in a sheet of paper.
– You take the shopping bag and walk to the store with the list of things and some money.
– You struggle a few minutes to get Balu, the Shopkeeper’s attention. This is the only tough part and requires some skill of Tamil Yelling and hand waving and saying “Anne”(Brother).
– You hand over the paper to Balu.
– Balu begins packing your list for you, while you count the stars during the day, look at the nearby wall poster of the latest Rajinikanth movie, try to put bracket for the girl next door who is standing near you.
– Balu completes and you walk away with the things.
The whole process is completely seamless, as in you don’t seem to have the need to bother about anything. Life was so simple in those days. It can also be pictorially represented as follows:
But now, to shop for Groceries requires Super Human powers. The steps are similar but they are laborious:
– Wife makes a list of things to buy in a sheet of paper/you bring wife with you.
– Drive the cart with kid on the front seat in a huge supermarket as big as a foot ball field.
– Look for signs to find where you get Coconut milk and end up in the Pets Aisle.
– Look for Icecream and end up in Greeting cards Aisle.
– Lose track of where your wife is and go up and down the aisles looking for her, while kid is getting tired of simply sitting in the cart and trying to do the Minority Report Stunt.
– Deciding on which brand of items to buy.
– Read Ingredients and Reject items with High Fructose Corn Syrup as per Dr. Oz’s advice from the Oprah Winfrey Show.
– Count calories from Fat and Sugar on the label using complex abstract algebra with differential equations and transformed with Lagrange’s theorem.
– check expiry dates on each item.
– Mathematically and logically compute which cashier’s lane will move you faster.
– Ransack your wallet to decide which credit/debit card to use.
The list goes on.
There are so many things that the super market carry, you just wish that there was a Google Grocery. A web based tool for your mobile phone to show you the shortest distance to the item you are looking for in Aisle 7, or you just feed the list of things and Google Grocery gives you the shortest distance map of all the things. Of course, there will be ads of nearby and related items and you shouldn’t be distracted by that. But one such thing like Google Grocery is needed for us dear shoppers. If Google doesn’t come up with one then we will all have to evolve Supervision, which will help us track down the items that we need through our high powered Supervision Eyes, like the Terminator Robot.
But until then a common man like us will have to suffer the ordeal of grocery shopping and here is how i will pictorially represent it:
Blue Rectangular Strips – Aisles of racks with grocery items
Yellow Rectangular Strips – Cashier Lines
Yellow Star – You are Here (Duh!)
Green Diamond – You need to be here.
Red circle with a strike – You don’t need to be here but you will end up being all over here more than once.
Little blue square – 100x Magnified view of your house.
The grocery store will be gigantically huge that your house will be just a dot when compared to the store’s size. In order for your naked eye to catch the glimpse of your house a 100x magnifying glass provides the necessary enlargement for your viewing pleasure. This makes the diagram not to scale.
Good luck with your next grocery shopping. If you have more fun facts and ideas about this please feel free to drop in your comments.