Posted in Family, General, Humour

Filling Medical Questionnaire

To fill a Medical questionnaire one needs courage. Wait, not courage, you need intelligence, Super human that is, and a lot of patience. Atleast the questionnaire that I got to fill for my Annual checkup.

Name: Are you sure you need my name again? Because I just filled it 10 times on the registration form and printed my name under 15 signatures on privacy notices.

After the name, the form goes on with trivial information like DOB, Today’s date (I will gift you a calendar so you can see today’s date for yourself everyday), place of birth and Reason for visit (Duh!), all of this that was already mentioned in the previous registration/insurance forms.

Family History: Has any blood relative had the following: (Circle if yes)

Mental Illness, Cancer, Diabetes, Stroke, High Cholesterol – Nope none of these even remotely match the word “yes” or even abbreviate to “yes”, So I am not circling them.

Social History: And under this comes the occupation. Are you trying to insult me? You want me to say that of all the great things on earth like Mountaineering, Rafting, Photography, Scientists, I am a mere Software Engineer as Occupation when it comes to my Social History? I understand you are enjoying the peak of your career as a doctor but is this your way of asking your patients to fill their profession and calling it a Social History, to have a sarcastic chuckle? Why wasn’t this called Employment history?

Then comes a blunt question: Are you (circle): Single Married Divorced Widowed.

I am not Circle, I am not square, I am an irregular shaped humanoid. Now what do you want me to do with the other 4 words?

Do you smoke? Yes No. I answered No but it went on to ask How much? and I am left to wonder how to answer How much I don’t smoke!

Exercise Program: Walking around the apartment to get to important places like Bathroom, Fridge, Couch. And as a software engineer I haven’t written any “Program” for Exercise.

List all Medication allergies: I don’t like medicines. They leave a bitter taste in my tongue, unless it tastes good like Benadryl. So you can take it that I am allergic to all medicines.

Surgical History: Nope, I haven’t conducted or performed any surgery on anyone, not even as a 17 year old trying to enter Guinness record, and not even insects or frogs, I was a Computer science major.

Non Surgical History: List all hospitalization without Surgery – Let me check the yellow book and see if there are any hospitals without Surgery department and then get back to you on it.

Sometimes a seemingly trivial but a necessary questionnaire can leave you wondering “WTF”, not just a medical form but it can apply elsewhere too. At somepoint we must all have been Vogons, why on earth otherwise we have to fill form after forms for every single thing that needs to be done.

Like Munnabhai said, “Aadmi martha hai, thab form bharna jaroori hai kya?” (When a man is dying, is it necessary for him to fill the form?).

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Author:

I am a Software Engineer by profession. My interests are in Computers, Science, Technology, Movies, Music, Photography and Writing. I love to do a lot of things, but am still searching for the ultimate thing that I can love to do. You will find here all the volcanic outbursts of my creative side as I explore the world through my perspective. Well, mainly fun, what's world without any fun!

9 thoughts on “Filling Medical Questionnaire

  1. Talk about a square peg in a round hole!

    But on a more serious note, all these questions are a roundabout and politically correct way of asking you:

    How much do you earn?
    and
    How much can you spend?

    The “politeness” is of course a vestige of an “ideal” era when doctors were suppose to serve not earn šŸ™‚

  2. LOL šŸ˜€ But seriously I think they need to collect medical info about each person and its good too. That makes the people aware too about their medical conditions. Here there are so many who even dont their blood group!!

  3. Lol …
    have u filled any survey forms given by a guy pursuing phd ..once i filled ,,
    man it was around 10 pages…..
    and early this year i had signed a bond ..
    there i was asked to write my name more than 10 times along with my signature and address šŸ˜¦

  4. Prasanth – yes that is right. But I have to say not all doctors are like that. Atleast most of the doctors I have met are very good.

    Vishesh – Thanks šŸ™‚

    Reema – Thanks, I am all for collecting info on forms and I dont mind filling them. It is just that a lot of information are repetitive and that’s what bothers me.

    Arvind – yeah I have filled survey and feedback forms before, a lot of times. They are just boring and have too many questions. I can understand your feelings on this šŸ™‚

  5. šŸ™‚ šŸ™‚ Haha….reminds me of a Joke on ‘filling questionnaires’ .

    Mr. X fills up a questionnaire like this:

    NAME: Mr. X

    AGE: 36

    SEX: twice a Week !!

    šŸ™‚

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