Posted in Family, Humour

Marathon Marriages

Law of Marathon Marriages:

1. When there are cousins and relatives who are in the same age range chances are they will not get married in the same year, unless you plan a Vacation to India during that time.

2. The net amount of marital force is calculated by the formula = Number of vacation days multiplied by Number of Marriages.

3. For every Marriage happening in a Marriage hall in Madurai, there will be a Balloon seller standing opposite to the hall.

Marriages are made in heaven goes the old saying. But when Marriages happen in quick succession and especially if you are supposed to attend each and every one of them right from the time you land, it becomes drastically deviated from being heaven. I wouldn’t call it hell though as I loved the experience and the food. Well Ok, mostly the food!

The last vacation to India, We had close to 25 days to spend in Madurai but most of the days were spent in attending marriages and functions. We had to attend a marriage function right on the day we were landing in Madurai and I totally wished I had the following conversation with the Air hostess of the delayed Air Deccan flight from Chennai to Madurai.

… IMAGINARY CONVERSATION BEGINS

Me: Excuse me, Artificially-looking-beautiful-due-to-heavy-makeup Air Hostess! I am getting late for my cousin’s marriage. Can you please ask the captain to drop me by the marriage hall.

Air Hostess: Sure, why not! Whatever the customer says, Customer is first.

(She moves towards the cockpit)

Me: While you are there can you ask him to not wiggle the airplane, it feels funny! and ask him to drive faster, I just saw a 90 year old passing us in his bicycle in mid air! and Please go in and change the color of your uniform, your bright red color dress is blinding me!

(She comes back from the cockpit.)

Air Hostess: The Captain said you must be crazy. There is only one runway in Madurai airport, so if we take that runway and put it near the Marriage hall, where your Cousin’s marriage is going on then there will be no runway in the airport.

… IMAGINARY CONVERSATION ENDS

After we arrived home we were immediately transported to the cousin’s marriage. We were hardly dressed for the occasion and by the time we went there the marriage was over, but we were about on time for the Photo Session and Lunch. I enjoyed the food so much that I shamelessly had extra helpings of Veg Briyani when everyone had almost reached the end of the game eating their curd rice. Such was the start of the Vacation of Marathon Marriages.

The procedure to attend a marriage function after you are married is drastically different from attending one when you are bachelor. The itinerary between your home and the marriage hall is usually intersected by a visit to the in laws, especially if the marriage is happening on your in laws side.

So, The next day we got ready and went to my in-laws house from where we were supposed to go to another marriage hall for attending another cousin’s marriage.To avoid myself explaining the relationship (which I am terrible at) I am just going use the phrase “Another Cousin” for every Cousin. My wife had to get dressed for the occasion at her place, as the materials needed were (in)conveniently at her place.

As I entered the in laws house, I couldn’t help notice my Father in Law sitting on the sofa wearing a Munda Banian and a Sangu Mark Lungi. He was sitting there silently channel surfing with the TV remote control. Here I am completely dressed and ready for the function and he was lounging in the couch. So I had to ask:

Me: “Aren’t you getting ready to go FIL? We have to be there in 30 minutes.”

FIL: “Relax, Your mother in law has just now got in to get ready. Please sit down now, why don’t you have Bovonto and watch some TV for a while”

And so I made up my mind and sat down on the couch watching TV with him. In few minutes I was involuntarily getting restless of the fact that the time was approaching, while the daughter merrily played with her toys and FIL still in his relaxed at-home costume watching TV. Just then, my Wife and MIL came out of the room in their Saree.

Me: Great, we are ready now. FIL, I think you should get ready now and we should go.

FIL: Relax, They just got dressed. They have to wear Jewels now.

Me: But, we have to be there in 5 minutes. We will be disrespecting them if we go late. ( Which I actually meant to say – “We gotta go, what if the food gets over? I want to eat the main lunch, not the Its-over-so-let’s-make-up-something-quick lunch”)

FIL goes back to his TV watching. I now wanted to beat the restlessness and so carried myself to the computer room and played a few games for a while. Apparently it seems it takes the same time for a Woman to wear Jewels as wearing the Saree and I am scientifically unable to explain this phenomenon. So we were obviously getting delayed. I finally realized it doesn’t matter how restless I am, things will happen at its own pace, I had to be patient, a self realization moment.

The Jewels were on and I finally heaved a relieving sigh and got up from the computer. But FIL is unbelievable as his relaxation didn’t end even after that. I badly needed a magic wand to wave at him and get him dressed but his reply was “There is always the last touch up!” and he was right. As they were just about to finish on their last minute touch up, the FIL man went in and came out in his dress in 1 minute. He simply put a Well disciplined McClaren Formula one Pit Crew to shame.

But I learnt something that day. I learnt to be patient, I learnt to endure under circumstances and keep myself cool. I learnt that it doesn’t matter if you get restless, you just sit down, relax and play along. When we got there we were not as late as we thought. Everything was fine and I was able to have my moment of eating a delicious meal.

20 out of 25 days of Waking up early, getting ready and going through the waiting process of the ladies getting ready, attending the function, smiling at people, laughing at jokes, cracking intelligent jokes and receiving blank stares, cracking dumb jokes and setting the entire hall in laughter and so on it went. We had a fun time and when it was all over, emptiness returned and we were back to our normal life.

When we work on things, we fail to see the bigger picture. We only see how difficult the task at hand is, we forget that we have worked tougher tasks before or there are people who have worked tougher tasks before. If you learn to see the things in that perspective, there will never be a moment of frustration. You will be able to handle and solve any problem in your life. I will leave you with a Haiku:

See not a Problem

as a Hurdle, but see it

as a task to solve!

What I mean is if you are going to be late for a Marriage don’t be so late to miss the lunch!

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Author:

I am a Software Engineer by profession. My interests are in Computers, Science, Technology, Movies, Music, Photography and Writing. I love to do a lot of things, but am still searching for the ultimate thing that I can love to do. You will find here all the volcanic outbursts of my creative side as I explore the world through my perspective. Well, mainly fun, what's world without any fun!

30 thoughts on “Marathon Marriages

  1. Ahhh! A Haiku after many days! Indian people always arrive half hr or one hr late from the time written on invitation cards…be it any community!! In our community we have dinner not lunch.

  2. lol solutions are created before a problem…hmm…you should have asked them to give you a parachute ๐Ÿ™‚ And you could have dressed up in mid air you know ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Ha…ha… ha… Good that you learnt a lot of things from the “getting ready” episode!! ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜†

    some how i love Indian marriages as long as i don’t have to get decked up… but i love the fun and frolic of it all!!

    (P.S. I like to attent only those marriages which take place in winter!! )

  4. Laws are funny but not Universal ( i feel) ๐Ÿ˜›

    Your story of going to your in-laws, watching ur FIL watch TV and your wife having material (in)conveniently at her place…reminded me of my dream time when I go to my home town… Kahani ghar ghar kii??

    nice post. enjyed readin it as always…

    I hate going to marriages specially when they are on ur in-laws side… the smiling to every1 all the times is yuk…

  5. interesting post..
    i hate marriages ..and these ladies take hell lot of time…my dad’s keeps on shouting when there is some marriage to attend ..
    lol ..sometimes the conversations turn funny . ๐Ÿ˜› ..

    i just wish my future wife is fast when it comes to dressing ๐Ÿ˜› ..
    i am really impatient ๐Ÿ˜€

  6. Dinesh, you are scaring me already. Now I am seriously reconsidering whether I should marry when my time comes. Just kidding. ๐Ÿ˜€ Humor intended, humore displayed! ๐Ÿ™‚ Good post. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Reema
    Ahhh! A Haiku after many days!
    Yeah I wasn’t planning on writing it, but came up with one at the last moment so added it ๐Ÿ™‚

    Indian people always arrive half hr or one hr late from the time written on invitation cards
    This is true. Indian Standard Time I suppose. But people usually plan accordingly and give a time that is 1 hour before the actual function ??

    In our community we have dinner not lunch.
    Interesting, but everything still holds good. In our community we offer Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner.

    Vishesh
    lol solutions are created before a problemโ€ฆ
    That’s true. You just have to keep wide eyed and look for the solution.

    hmmโ€ฆyou should have asked them to give you a parachute ๐Ÿ™‚
    True. I should have asked. But I doubt if they have had it. They might have asked me to use my laptop backpack!

    And you could have dressed up in mid air you know ๐Ÿ™‚
    ha ha … Yeah, I could have attended the function like Arnold Sch. in Eraser ๐Ÿ™‚

    Sakhi
    Haโ€ฆhaโ€ฆ haโ€ฆ Good that you learnt a lot of things from the โ€œgetting readyโ€ episode
    Oh Yeah! I learnt to be a lot more patient ๐Ÿ™‚

    some how i love Indian marriages as long as i donโ€™t have to get decked upโ€ฆ
    Yeah, I love the food part the most and having fun with kids in the marriage hall. They are adorable.

    but i love the fun and frolic of it all!!
    Yes, even though it is tiring.

    (P.S. I like to attent only those marriages which take place in winter!! )
    hmm… any particular reason! is it because we would get all sweaty in summer?

  8. Sharad
    Laws are funny but not Universal ( i feel) ๐Ÿ˜›
    The best part of writing laws in blog posts is they don’t have to be universal.

    โ€ฆreminded me of my dream time when I go to my home townโ€ฆ Kahani ghar ghar kii??
    Cool! Yeah I guess it is almost a similar experience for every ghar!

    nice post. enjyed readin it as alwaysโ€ฆ
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    I hate going to marriages specially when they are on ur in-laws sideโ€ฆ
    Now, don’t forget to go to your marriage then!

    the smiling to every1 all the times is yukโ€ฆ
    True, I almost got a permanent smile mark on my face like the Joker in Batman after attending the Marathon Marriages.

    Arvind
    interesting post..
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    i hate marriages
    You better start loving it soon!

    ..and these ladies take hell lot of timeโ€ฆ
    Which will make you learn to be patient ๐Ÿ™‚

    my dadโ€™s keeps on shouting when there is some marriage to attend ..
    He is just being a dad! All you have to do is write a funny blog post, no need to shout!

    lol ..sometimes the conversations turn funny
    I love to turn it into being funny ๐Ÿ™‚ You can write whatever you want if you imagine.

    i just wish my future wife is fast when it comes to dressing
    Sorry, this may be one wish that might not come true.

    i am really impatient
    Patience …!

    Maxdavinci
    wo gaad ganesha!
    Not even Ganesha can help in this matter ๐Ÿ™‚

    yough churn up a nice story
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    and then end it with full thatuvam!
    Is that bad? I try to derive life lessons from everywhere.

    full philosophical eh?
    When you wait for a long long long time, you turn philosophical. There is no other choice.

    Iโ€™ll remm this wen i tie the knotโ€ฆ
    You see that was the point of the post. To help those who are yet to plunge.

    Anniyan
    Dinesh, you are scaring me already.
    ah! my job is done

    Now I am seriously reconsidering whether I should marry when my time comes.
    You should definitely do so, it is the 3rd stage in life and you cannot go to the 4th stage without experiencing the 3rd ๐Ÿ™‚ You are bound to enjoy the 4th stage only when you feel the 3rd ๐Ÿ™‚

    Good post
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Don’t know..have heard that women take a long time to get dressed…it is so not true at my place. Mom trained me I suppose. Always got ready even before my brother did!! Training from her dad I suppose again…he is one who will be at the train station an hour before the departure time. Runs in the family I suppose. :)Besides never been the type who will fuss over clothes and hate jewelry. Though, I do get into those supposed girly moods, even then; I am more into punctuality ๐Ÿ™‚
    Reema: TN and Kerala are probably the only states where marriages happen during the day. I know Andhrite, most northie marriages happen at night. Makes sense…we are supposed to see the star Arundhati. Don’t know how the couple can see it during broad daylight ๐Ÿ˜€

  10. An addition, my family is way too small…not many cousins or the difficult relations..so not many marriages either ๐Ÿ˜€

  11. Apar
    Donโ€™t know..have heard that women take a long time to get dressedโ€ฆit is so not true at my place.
    Then I guess I have to send all the women to your place to get dressed. It seems women get dressed faster in your place ๐Ÿ™‚

    Mom trained me I suppose. Always got ready even before my brother did!!
    Oh, your Mom has skills. She should write a book – Ten ways to get dressed faster, don’t you think ?

    Training from her dad I suppose againโ€ฆ
    Ok I think you can let them decide who wants to write the book then.

    he is one who will be at the train station an hour before the departure time.
    I was once at the train station well before an hour of departure time. But Alas, it was the departure time of the next train, I missed mine ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Runs in the family I suppose.
    Train or Training? just kidding.

    Besides never been the type who will fuss over clothes and hate jewelry.
    Whoa, that is a huge political statement that can take every woman by surprise. Nah, I am just kidding again! Good to see someone with an exception.

    Though, I do get into those supposed girly moods, even then
    Not your fault, it’s all hormones.

    I am more into punctuality ๐Ÿ™‚
    If things start 30 minutes late, I will always be punctual ๐Ÿ™‚

    TN and Kerala are probably the only states where marriages happen during the day.
    Wow I didn’t know that.

    we are supposed to see the star Arundhati. Donโ€™t know how the couple can see it during broad daylight
    You mean where they have marriages at night, the marriage hall is equiped with Telescopes to see that particular star?

    An addition, my family is way too small
    Even after “an addition” ? kidding!

    โ€ฆnot many cousins or the difficult relations..so not many marriages either
    Sometimes that’s good, sometimes it’s good if you feel like there are lot of people. Either way you have to make sure you get good food at the function.

  12. Enjoyed reading ‘getting ready’ epiosode. I agree with you that we get anxious sometimes when every thing seems to be going against our wishes, but this is where we have to be cool like your FIL.

  13. RukmaniRam
    great read!
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ Welcome to my blog!

    Only slightly marred by the fact that Iโ€™m a Ferrari loyal
    I am a Ferrari fan too. Kimi is my fav driver. But this season their pit stop has been very erratic, what’s with all that fuel hose stuck in the car!

    Rahul
    Hahaha! loved the โ€˜imaginary conversationโ€™
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ I love imaginary conversations ๐Ÿ™‚

    Sriniani
    Enjoyed reading โ€˜getting readyโ€™ epiosode.
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    I agree with you that we get anxious sometimes when every thing seems to be going against our wishes
    It is human nature to do so under pressure.

    but this is where we have to be cool like your FIL
    Yes, this is exactly the core of my post. One should be cool like my FIL (Wearing Banian and Lungi is optional though).

  14. Nowadays many funny things happen at the wedding venues. Like the other day I heard somebody cursing his foolishness for he delivered the presents to a different present-collector, not the one whose marriage he went to attend. I swear it’s true since there were three marriage pandals in one hall!

    Marathon Marriages–a hilarious post, Dinesh. I enjoyed reading it.

    Thanx.

    Nanda
    http://ramblingnanda.blogspot.com
    http://remixoforchid.blogspot.com

  15. A.N. Nanda
    Welcome to my blog.
    Nowadays many funny things happen at the wedding venues
    No Kidding!

    he delivered the presents to a different present-collector
    LOL! I hope every present collector was not getting the wrong presents ๐Ÿ™‚

    three marriage pandals in one hall
    Atleast if they made sure they had the right couples, that should be good.

    Marathon Marriagesโ€“a hilarious post
    Thank you!

  16. Sure…but I guess my mom and I are the freaks ๐Ÿ˜€ especially with my political statments ๐Ÿ˜‰ good one about punctuality…I end up in the place at least 5 minutes before the actual start of the event though I know for sure the event will be delayed! What does that make me?! May be I should suggest a telescope!! Did not the priest point to the sky and ask you & ur wife to see Arundhati?! I found that so funny when it was bright out there at my brother’s wedding.
    You are hilarious….”Atleast if they made sure they had the right couples, that should be good.”….oh boy!

  17. Apar
    I end up in the place at least 5 minutes before the actual start of the event though I know for sure the event will be delayed! What does that make me?
    One of A. American or B. Mahatma Gandhi ๐Ÿ™‚

    Did not the priest point to the sky and ask you & ur wife to see Arundhati
    I think so, he must have. I couldn’t hear much in the commotion. Besides I was getting hungry ๐Ÿ™‚ I do remember the Salt and Dal Elephant game, that was fun.

    You are hilarious
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. In ahmedabad the weather is very hot through out the year, only in winter, just for two months (note: not four but two!! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ) we get some respite from heat!

    I like new clothes with a lot of work done on it with zari, beads and all… usually these are on silk cloth! So it better be winter when i can actually enjoy those clothes! ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. Sakhi
    just for two months (note: not four but two!! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ) we get some respite from heat
    You should try living in Chennai for a year ๐Ÿ™‚ You will love the 2 months in Ahmedabad.

    I like new clothes
    Strangely, I like new clothes too.

    with a lot of work done
    I don’t like a lot of work. I like lazy clothes.

  20. Haha, i love the laws, especially the first! Too good. Sounds right out of a bollywood movie too!

    I never thought I’d say this, but I really miss Indian weddings. I haven’t attended one in the longest time, so lucky you, with so many in your last trip. Oh, all the food. My mouth’s watering.

  21. Heh, this was an amusing and yet informative entry. I wish I had more experiences at Indian weddings, but I’ve only been to one (shockingly enough). It sounds like a lot of fun, despite the nitty-gritties.

  22. Shivya
    Haha, i love the laws, especially the first!
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ The first one is so true ๐Ÿ™‚

    I really miss Indian weddings.
    They are indeed fun!

    Oh, all the food. My mouthโ€™s watering.
    That is the best part of the Indian wedding ๐Ÿ™‚ They are great!

    Sindhu
    Welcome to my blog!
    Heh, this was an amusing and yet informative entry
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    I wish I had more experiences at Indian weddings, but Iโ€™ve only been to one (shockingly enough)
    If it wasn’t your wedding that you went to, then you have a chance at attending atleast one more ๐Ÿ™‚

    It sounds like a lot of fun, despite the nitty-gritties.
    Nitty-gritties usually look huge in weddings but it is fun.

  23. Nikhil N
    You planning something like a Dummies Guide to surviving post wedding
    That would be a great idea. But it might take up to 9 volumes with 3 parts each.

    Guess,you can do that.I will buy for sure.
    Sure, that will be $1000 per volume for pre-order, pre-writing. and $ not equal to Zimbabwe Dollars.

    Good read
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

  24. Nikhil
    Dummies Guide, not Encyclopedia
    That’s ok. We can sell Vol 1 part 1 as the dummy’s guide and the rest as Encyclopedia.

    Okay deal, I will soon join as THE co-author
    Deal!

  25. Married, going to use an analogy, and is more marathon than a sprint. Often couples to actual as well as long distance, marital closeness, maintain intimacy in the difficult search for unity. Contrary to popular belief, this message that we are powerful principles that the last marriage, marriage problems without marriage is not a marathon rather busy talking about, they know how to navigate through the issues together so that no matter what the marriage partner is to maintain unity and solidarity

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