Posted in Humour

Powerfully Painful Presentations

In the corporate world, it is not very difficult to randomly end up as an audience for a power point presentation. Power point presentations are 50 times more effective than a sleeping pill or a tranquillizer, where 50 is the average number of slides that every presentation contains. The sleep is gradual though. It takes 3 steps in 3 slides to take you into the dream world.

THE TITLE SLIDE:

This indicates what is coming. Usually, it will not give any idea about the content, but when the speaker starts with his/her introduction of the topic with this slide, it will all be very clear – you are about to experience a nice hour long siesta. The introduction and the title slide serves like a nice little lullaby that makes you comfortable in your push back chair. Here is an example slide:

slide1BULLETS:

Bullets are the ammunitions of a Powerpoint presenter (Pun intended). Statistically there is atleast 5% of the presentation devoted to bullet points. Nah, I just made that up, It should be 20%. Oh well, who cares anway! Oh and this is the step when you Yawn. You will yawn hard and deep and wide like a Hippopotamus. Bulletproofing will not help. Here is a sample slide (The contents of the slide is only an example and is not indicative of anything real. If it does coincide with the presentation you just spoke/listened to then it was definitely stolen from here)

slide2

GRAPH:

The intention of a slide that contains a complicated and completely unintelligible graph is to show the coolness and the geek quotient of the presenter. Nothing makes you look intelligent than a picture of bars of various heights. This is it. This is the step where you fall asleep. It will be an instant knock out. But, you have to keep in mind that if you force yourself to be awake beyond slide 3, you will suffer from Insomnia for the rest of the presentation and you will be unable to sleep at all after that. Here is an example graph slide:

slide3

ORGANIZATION CHART:

If you are still awake and reading the slides, you will come across atleast one slide like this if someone is getting released from your project or getting fired altogether.

slide4

1. You will not know where you fit in this figure and under whom.

2. You will keep wondering who that Cute girl is, as there are not one woman in your floor, leave alone your project. No, it is not your dream girl or your boss’s dream girl.

3. This chart would have been prepared a week ago so the Guy with a beard would have shaved and someone else would have grown the beard. This is how several positions get interchanged in the corporate world.

4. You will count how many shirts you have.

The last slide will have the Letters Q and A put together by “&”. This is were a lot of other folks will start speaking besides the speaker himself. This is due to a known deficiency syndrome called Interest Defect (Known in Tamil as Aarva kolaru). “Doubtfire”s will be firing the doubts at the presenter who will answer them in 3 possible choices – Yes, No, Pass. A point to note here is, if you see yourself speaking or any cute girl speaking, then you are simply hallucinating, just go back to sleep.

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Author:

I am a Software Engineer by profession. My interests are in Computers, Science, Technology, Movies, Music, Photography and Writing. I love to do a lot of things, but am still searching for the ultimate thing that I can love to do. You will find here all the volcanic outbursts of my creative side as I explore the world through my perspective. Well, mainly fun, what's world without any fun!

29 thoughts on “Powerfully Painful Presentations

  1. Hilarious!

    “Nothing makes you look intelligent than a picture of bars of various heights”…I thought that was a myth prevalent only among students. Oh well.

  2. Now, I realise why I dont ask questions among those doubt fires and the people having Interest syndrome when the Q&A session arrives. Me in a safer place ๐Ÿ™‚ Dinesh, this post is absolutely hilarious! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. superb dude… ๐Ÿ˜€ it was really funny…
    i had a horrid time during the pre – placement talks. The presentations haunted us all and everyone were awake only coz of the scare that questions from the presentations wud be asked in the interview… ๐Ÿ˜ฆ thankfully, i had to attend only two such scenes… ๐Ÿ˜›

  4. I wish it really were a cure to insomnia as you claim it to be ๐Ÿ™‚ To me, self help books are the best. They knock me out within just 2 paragraphs max!! ๐Ÿ˜€

  5. OH!!!OH!!!OH!!!!!
    You won’t believe how many such nightmares I have lived through! You just opened up all my wounds.
    Initially when I joined my company, I went through such slides for hours and recently again for almost a month.
    My condition is so bad that I start screaming as soon as I see a presentation.

  6. Vishesh
    lol ๐Ÿ˜› At school they either get booed or cheered
    We used to feel Boozed and just say each other cheers!

    Shivya
    Hilarious!
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    I thought that was a myth prevalent only among students. Oh well.
    Oh it isn’t a Myth. It is real. People’s Jaw drop when they see graphs, because everytime it is nothing like it was seen before.

    Raji
    I realise why I dont ask questions among those doubt fires and the people having Interest syndrome when the Q&A session arrives.
    Congratulations, you are free from the Interest defect syndrome, and only medicine that is known to cure this is booze.

    Dinesh, this post is absolutely hilarious! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reema – Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Su
    superb dudeโ€ฆ ๐Ÿ˜€ it was really funnyโ€ฆ
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    i had a horrid time during the pre – placement talks.
    Usually it is just a sign of things to come.

    The presentations haunted us all and everyone were awake only coz of the scare that questions
    from the presentations wud be asked in the interviewโ€ฆ ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    He he … they have used the age old scare tactic. Don’t worry, you will get used to it.

    thankfully, i had to attend only two such scenesโ€ฆ ๐Ÿ˜›
    Wait till you enter the Corporate world.

    Rambodoc
    One of your best posts, bullet it or not!
    Thank you … Thank you …:)

    Gauri
    – Very True. – Very Funny. – Painfully Powerful Presentation. – If you compare some of these to th zzzzzโ€ฆ.
    This is probably the only bullet point slide that I didn’t sleep … oh wait … zzzzzz

    Apar
    I wish it really were a cure to insomnia as you claim it to be ๐Ÿ™‚
    No, it doesn’t cure insomnia. It will cause insomnia if you don’t sleep at slide 3.

    To me, self help books are the best. They knock me out within just 2 paragraphs max!!
    I can now understand why there are always a bunch of folks passed out in the reading chair near self help section in Barnes and Nobles.

  8. Cuckoo
    Interesting, very interesting I must say. ๐Ÿ˜€
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    Errrโ€ฆ did you prepare it during the break or coding orโ€ฆ ๐Ÿ˜›
    I took a break from coding to pretend that I am coding and then I did this. No one doubted, because they would have thought I was actually creating a PPT ๐Ÿ™‚

    Amit
    You wonโ€™t believe how many such nightmares I have lived through!
    Go ahead tell me, I will definitely believe. After all we are in the same boat.

    You just opened up all my wounds.
    Oops, that must be bloody joke ๐Ÿ™‚

    Initially when I joined my company
    I think we all join companies initially, not in between or definitely not in the end ๐Ÿ™‚ he he kidding.

    I went through such slides for hours and recently again for almost a month.
    You have been reading throught slides for a month non stop. Man, that must be some sort of torture. We can use that against the terrorists.

    My condition is so bad that I start screaming as soon as I see a presentation.
    My condition is worse, I just pass out!

    Arvind
    till now i have been at the receiving end
    You will be at the receiving end 90% of the time.

    ..not the corporate presentations ..but anyway they are boring ๐Ÿ˜€
    It doesn’t matter, any file with a .ppt extension can be used as sleep aid.

  9. I know what you mean by writing this post. I had the experience of taking part in a software project and this is something close to the synopsis we submitted. Minus the comedy though. P ๐Ÿ˜€ Good post. I was laughung all the way. ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. Nikhil
    Strangely, this is the same presentation I did to my company brass!
    He he … I would have thought so, when I made the slide discussing the Beer tap!

    Anniyan
    I know what you mean by writing this post.
    Really, Thank you. I was afraid people will sleep through this post.

    Good post. I was laughung all the way. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    Amreekandesi
    Nice job capturing the pain involved in attending these meetings.
    The worst part is I had to painfully be awake through out the meeting in order to capture this.

    Coffee has carried me through a lot of yawners ๐Ÿ˜‰
    I love nice filter coffee in the morning, but Coffee carries me to the toilet usually.

    Kiran
    Hilarious!
    Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thankful for our MBA ppt arenโ€™t the yawn-y ones ๐Ÿ˜€
    uh oh! You have been brain washed, don’t fall far it. They have given you some drug to stay awake during presentations. Fight back!

    1. Freitag, 15.l2.7011Hal0o Glupsch, das kรƒยถnnen wir noch nicht 100%ig beantworten. Bei einer sicheren Verbindung darf Facebook nur auf verifizierte Links zugreifen. Dafรƒยผr braucht man eine gesonderte Genehmigung. Wir sind dabei diese Genehmigung zu beantragen, wissen aber nicht genau, wie schnell dies geht.Liebe GrรƒยผรƒลธeKathrin

  11. Sleep
    Although sometimes even a well designed powerpoint canโ€™t help if the subject is extremely boring to began with.
    In that case the Subject and Powerpoint will go hand in hand in creating the sleep. 2 Steps might be sufficient.

    Shaaakspyco – Thank you!

    Amrutha
    lolโ€ฆfantasticโ€ฆthis is my first time to your blog. Am blogrolling you. Hope you donโ€™t mind. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Thank you! Welcome to my blog and Thanks for the blogroll, will read yours too, when I get a chance!

  12. I so relate to it…especially when I had to prepare a ppt for a sales pitch. My boss looked at it and said, “good job, its really nice. But its only 20 slides! You need to add more”
    Ofcourse it dint matter that dos 20 slides covered every aspect that was required. ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

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