Posted in Humour

Terms and Conditions

Humans don’t trust each other anymore. I mean look at the webpages and their Terms and Conditions. Each time you try to open an account with a new service you end up clicking “I agree” without reading the entire blah known as Terms and Conditions. I wonder what will happen if we start including T&C for every mundane portion of our lives:

1. Wife cooks a delicious looking Aloo Paratha and Paneer butter masala on the table. Husband hurries to the table with his mouth watering, only to be shown a 10 page document called T&C to be signed before eating the delicious meal.

2. Newly married couple having a nice conversation during their first night. Suddenly the God of Love showers an excess of flowers on both. The love scent pulls them into the pure divine marital connection, only they pull each other a bundle of sheets titled T&C to be signed before performing the act.

3. A Mother in Labour starts pushing the baby out. The baby wouldn’t come out. The mother tries hard as the doctor and the husband say “Push, Push”. Usually the placenta comes after the child, but this time the placenta comes before with a lot of writings on it titled T&C. The Mother goes (while she keeps pushing) “arghhhhhhhhh …. I ….arghhhhhhh…..agreee…..arghhhhhhh” and then the baby is born.

4. You had an awesome andhra meals for dinner last night. So you are woken up 7AM sharp in the morning due to the effect of the spice in the meals and you are rushing to the bathroom to attend the nature’s call. You sit on the commode and try to let go, but nothing comes. The commode’s seat has T&C written all over it and a sensor that will sense your voice. You hurriedly get up and dance on your feet as the bowel tries to rush out, and you say “I agree” to the commode. As soon as you say that and sit down on the commode, the flow begins and you feel relieved.

5. Touser pandi Ramarajan gets ready to Milk the cow in his usual way. He sings the song “Shenbagame … Shenbagame…”. The cow refuses to give milk. He thinks may be the cow is sick and tired of hearing the same song, so he remixes it and sings it in the hip hop style “ooh ahh oh shenbagame …ooh aah oh shenbagame!”. Still no milk. In a few seconds the Cow goes Moo and releases a full roll of tissue paper from its rear that reads its T&C. Ramarajan goes “Ooh aahh oh shenbagame … I agree… ooh aah oh shenbagame I agree”. The Milk is on!

And finally how can we be sure that the end user has read the Terms and Conditions? We all usually just skip and click the I agree anyway. So just to make sure we are covered we will throw in another Terms and Conditions that states that “Make sure you read the Terms and Conditions in Full.” and request if they agree or do not agree.

Finally Here is a Brainstuck Cartoon on T&C.

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Author:

I am a Software Engineer by profession. My interests are in Computers, Science, Technology, Movies, Music, Photography and Writing. I love to do a lot of things, but am still searching for the ultimate thing that I can love to do. You will find here all the volcanic outbursts of my creative side as I explore the world through my perspective. Well, mainly fun, what's world without any fun!

43 thoughts on “Terms and Conditions

  1. Hmmn. Maybe if you try to shut down a particular body orifice, a message floats up, “You are trying to close this @$$hole. Are you sure you want to exit? Yes/No/No, I’m not sure, call Mummy!”

  2. .”Wife cooks a delicious looking Aloo Paratha and Paneer butter masala on the table. Husband hurries to the table with his mouth watering, only to be shown a 10 page document called T&C to be signed before eating the delicious meal.”

    Come on ! The terms and conditions are implicit !! Implied terms are that the Aloo and Paneer would taste as bad. And you better agree to saying it was ‘nice’ inorder to receive more of it. Or some form of it. And the contract from the husbands side : i need regular food…

    And so on. When the flowers get showered, on the edge of marital bliss….( that was some imagination though), ofcourse there is an implicit contract.

    And touser pandi..gets to milk the cow, in his own terms !! He always has. With songs, music and dance. That one there is no implicit or explicit contract thats required !!

    So much for contracts. Had a good laugh !

    1. Thank you. But the implicit contracts are so 1.0. This is the next generation Contract system, it is Contract 2.0. It is just not enough to tie a Mangal sutra with 3 knots, we have to go and sign at the registrar office to get legally married. But hey it is a one time deal, so you don’t have to sign every time, you can just click “Remember my password” and you browser will keep you logged on!
      Now, where was I?

    1. What if it is an attached bathroom, you will have to agree/disagree even for taking a shower or shaving! So it has to be specifically in the commode! he he 🙂

  3. You write a blog. People try to comment. They press the submit button and out comes the T&C , which states that the comment has to be positive, preferably with smileys attached. 🙂

  4. I hereby agree I have just commented on Dinesh’s post on 18,000 RPM and have found it very imaginative. Another story that the Submit Comment button would not be activated unless I added ‘imaginative’.

    g

  5. @Dinesh: enna koduma sir idthu!
    man ur imaginations I tell u 🙂
    T’s and C’s SUCK !

    @rambodoc : LOL

    @ Anshul: LOL I have seen that video a couple of years ago! good one.

  6. I am ready to put a positive comment here if you agree to my terms and conditions which I have mailed you. Please return a scanned copy with your signature.

    1. Would you like the scanned copy signed in triplicate and attested by a Gazetted public notary officer and approved by the village administrative officer and tashildar 🙂

    1. Wow, that’s an exciting idea. May be we can hide that fine print somewhere and you have to find it and read it before you can do it. Like in the commode thingy we can hide the fine print on the flush handle! Boy that will be some exciting stuff! 🙂

    1. Actually it is a lot better than Windows Vista. Vista is like this:

      1. You are taking your first bite of your food Allow/Deny/Cancel
      2. You are taking your second bite of your food Allow/Deny/Cancel
      … and so on! 🙂

  7. boy …. this is what i wud call toooooooooooooooooooo muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 🙂

    btw …. if nobody is reading the T&C doesnt it mean that they trust each other so much 🙂 abt the situations:

    1. there is anyway an implied T&C here, isnt it?
    2. Isnt a pre-nuptial agreement something like this?
    3. ahhhh …
    4 & 5. arent we talking abt human beings here …. u cant include comode and cows here 🙂

    1. he he I know this is too much, that is why I blogged it. This blog is all about too much stuff!

      if nobody is reading the T&C doesnt it mean that they trust each other
      No, they are just lazy and they just think that the T&C makers are just idiots!

      there is anyway an implied T&C here, isnt it?
      There is implied T&C everywhere, it is more fun when u bring it out explicitly!

      Isnt a pre-nuptial agreement something like this?
      Almost. What the heck, it is exactly what it is!

      arent we talking abt human beings here …. u cant include comode and cows here
      Yes Humans only, After all it is Humans who made the Commode and Humans who rear the Cows, Ok you got me! But I just wanted it to be funny!

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