Road trip can be fun, but:
1. The total time taken for reaching the destination is calculated with the formula:
Total Time = X + iY
Where X is the estimate of time duration provided by Google Maps.
Y is the Total Rest stop time that we are planning to take.
i is the Number of Insects that come and hit your car Windshield to commit suicide.
2. Murphy’s Law of Road Trip states that “If it is your turn to drive the car, and if a freeway can be closed then it will be closed and you will have to follow the Detour for some unknown amount of time”. During this condition, following the GPS will lead to going round and round the same place like a daredevil stuntman in a cage. If you are yet to have lunch at this point, you will feel like a highly charged particle going around the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), not that I have any experience of going through it or knowing how it will be.
3. Freeways are built by human beings and is not a direct creation of God. Hence, freeways are subject to Natural damage and will need to be worked upon once a while. So if you are not surprised at Road Construction signs then you are an Atheist, Otherwise it may be your first road trip, just make sure you don’t fall behind a truck. If you fall behind a truck don’t curse God if you are an Atheist. If you don’t understand this then you will scream “Oh my God!” whenever you enter a Road Construction zone and fall behind a Truck that won’t budge a single mile per hour beyond the posted speed limit.
4. If you miss an exit the GPS lady will automatically adjust to your fallacy, recalculate and provide you with a new route automatically. This does not mean in any way that the GPS lady is in love with you or attracted to you or having wet dreams about you. But the problem is, you will fall in love with this lady and you will be obsessed with touching her once a while to find out the route, next rest stop exit, restaurants etc.
5. You will love to compare the number of miles you drive with the distance in India. What you can cover here in 4 hours will need about 8 hours in India. So as we drove 600 miles one way during the trip we had travelled from Madurai to Chennai (444 Kms or 276 miles, which takes about 8 to 9 hours by train or 10 hours by road), had a little business meeting and then drove back from Chennai to Madurai all on the same day. It is fun to do this comparison.
6. Did I say the GPS lady is not in love with you and certainly not having wet dreams about you? Yeah, don’t even have second thoughts even if you are desperate.
7. Law of Road Trip Inertia: When you reach the destination, come to a complete stop and retire for the night, you will still be feeling that you are in the freeway. Your dreams during the night will involve rectangular sign boards of different colors and shapes, speed limit signs, white dotted lines and the Voice of the GPS lady (But no, the GPS lady isn’t going to dream about you)
8. Your back will hurt. Resistance is futile. If you manage to sit in a yogic posture in an attempt to minimize your back ache, your neck will hurt. If you try to nullify your neck pain by bending down slightly, the pressure will be passed down to your rear. In any case, atleast one part of your body will ache and you will know more about it during the night at the motel.
9. The big circular red sign with a slash in the middle that comes up on the GPS screen when it becomes horizontal doesn’t indicate that you have to keep your coke can perfectly aligning with that sign. Now, this is a kind of wet dream that the GPS doesn’t want to have.
10. The probability that a Super 8 motel franchise is run by a desi is 1 billion to 1. So if you end up in a Motel run by a Gujarati Desi fellow, please do not hesitate to ask him for directions to the Ganesha Temple. He will be much more accurate than the GPS lady by 18 miles. Do not be afraid that the GPS lady will break up with you, remember she wasn’t loving you in the first place.
11. It is easier to pass Trucks when they are not there. Trucks are like Auto Rickshaws in India. You never know about their driving style. The time between beginning to pass the truck, driving a safe distance ahead of them and changing the lane back to the right lane is slightly short of 25 blight years, where 1 blight year = 1 blinking light from your Indicator.
12. For every 30 miles on a given freeway there will be an Indian restaurant named Tandoor. How else when you drive on a freeway with nothing but mountains and forest on either side with SUVs threatening to pass you anytime and Road construction sign popping up randomly between kids getting restless in the back seat, the GPS lady shows up with Tandoor Restaurant in Clarksville, TN coming up in the next 27 miles? It is either a freaking coincidence or there is an Indian Restaurant named Tandoor in every 30 miles of a Freeway. I am fairly comfortable believing in the latter.
Wise people used to say “The Journey is the Reward”. Road Trip has a lot in store for you as a Reward. In spite of all the buts you will love it because Road Trip to me symbolizes freedom.
Road trip is always fun.
PS: For the last time, GPS lady definitlely is not in love with you, now get over it.