Compassion for

Yourself.

When it comes to virtues, Compassion is often misinterpreted (or misplaced). We generally want to be compassionate about other beings – Humans, Animals, Nature etc. What about yourself ?

Life is mostly hard for everyone, even for those who we think it might be easy. Who knows what they are going through. We also run ourselves into mistakes, quite often. We only learn from falling or committing mistakes. Trying to be perfect creates nothing but anxiety and obsession.

Should we not be first compassionate and forgiving about ourselves ?

Instead of judging and being hard on ourselves, we can be aware of what mistakes we do. Empathise and be compassionate that as we are aware of the mistake, we learn from it and try to correct it in future.

Karma always gets back to us. If we did a mistake, it will come back to us. There is no need for ourselves to punish again and drift into remorse. Be aware and acknowledge. May be feel it out or breathe it out. There is nothing that can be done, unfortunately. This can be applied to all our behaviours of fear of missing, impulsiveness, feelings of regret and so on.

Start the journey of Compassion for your self first. It will naturally follow for others. There is no compassion for others if we don’t have it for ourselves first.

If you want to make it pragmatic, think of an Agile Development Team. We usually encourage failing as a Team with an objective to fail fast and learn from it. This was not the case several years back. Apply the same for your life and move on. You will feel compassion arising naturally.

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Fear of Unknown

In this increasingly complex and unpredictable world, we are most likely unprepared or surprised by unknown events in life. Inherently, most of us have developed a fear of unknown which kind of magnifies with basal instinct fear that the species usually has.

If ever, you feel the fear of known, it can definitely mean that you may have tackled all your known risks or fears. If you are able to understand the fear or risk that you foresee and take some kind of a practical preparatory action to handle that in future, then your mind settles in a stable state. Chattering in the mind could reduce. This is even more likely as you contemplate, meditate and find our those fears, handle them systematically and patiently and get out of it.

A strange feeling could creep up after you handle your known risks, that is the feeling of pure fear. As in, it is just the feeling of fear for no reason, unable to attach to something that can be called as a cause, so that your problem solving mind can try to resolve it.

You can do only one thing for such a thing. Know and accept that this feeling exists and tell it to yourself that you will handle it when it occurs. If needed, just imagine or run through situations where you would have handled such unknown risks or events in life. If you had handled it before, you can very well face it and handle it in future. You will most definitely improve and become wise as you grow through this.

(This feeling was well portrayed in a recent Tamil movie – Vikram, ” *** Pathukalamda” – crudely meaning “Let’s take it as a challenge”)

Free to be

At the end of it, we all seek one thing – Freedom. But somehow, we are bought into the idea that Freedom will come in future if you do something today.

Free to be, Free to do, Free to have.

Elusiveness of that Freedom keeps growing as we chase more. The gap seems to increase more and more as we put in more effort to buy our future freedom.

Free to have. We want whatever we desire. We want to be free to have anything that we wish. But since resources are limited, we have to be restricted and save for that future “have”. Instead if we see that, we are free to have what comes our way and what satisfies our need, then that is true freedom. There is no attachment of guilt or remorse. It just matches.

Free to do. We want to do whatever we want to. We give lengthy advises to people who don’t care. We go out of our way to do things for ourselves, for family, for others. Instead if we see that, we are free to do what comes our way and what is needed from us to be done, then that is true freedom. There is no attachment of anxiety or restlessness or frustration. It just matches.

Free to be. Well, if you have what you need, if you do what is needed to be done then you are Free to be, right now !

There is no Freedom in Future. You are either Free now, or never.

Fear of Forgetting

Fear can take us over very easily, depending on the situation. What matters is how we deal with what comes. Fight or Flight (or wait).

One common fear that I encounter is what if I forget ! This is silly because we can always write it down or put it as a reminder in an app. Yes, I do that. But sometimes, things come in and go out of the mind, so fleetingly that I might not be in a situation to be able to grab that sticky or open the app to write it down. Let’s say my hit rate to write down that reminder is a good 80%. But that 20% that goes off will still bother me. In fact, this blog post was one of it.

I figured, while writing down is a good way, it only leads to compulsion. Yes, no problem in writing down but that will be a temporary solution.

A More permanent solution is when I was able to challenge that fear and let it slide. Big deal. I forgot, If I can forget, I will also be able to remember. So, here it is my “thought” friend, I allow you to leave me and I bet I will remember it when it is needed.

What I noticed is, it came back to me in simplest and interesting ways possible. It just bubbles up due to the right trigger, right time and I actually have that situation where I can sit and focus and do that thing. This is much better than writing it down. It is still ok to write down your Reminder ( I use the iOS app with repeat and remind for routine work), but those things that come and go, like writing this post, a reminder will not help. You will need to face it and hope that it will come back at the right moment for you to do that with full focus and flow.

Sometimes, there is only one right way and that will be the best way. Allow the best way to happen.

The Incomplete Thread

I recently realized that I suffer from a common 21st Century disorder called The Incomplete Thread. I start something and then leave it halfway and then forget it. If you are doing the same, welcome to the club. Let’s start a club and then leave it halfway!

As an example, I pick a book , it mostly happens with books, go fast reading into it halfway and then something else sweeps my attention away. May be a movie or a TV show or just a life event. By that time I get into something else and then the interest or remembrance to get back to that book or thing fades out.

I have not started another thread which I admit to have attempted before is to close all these open threads. I have to restrict myself from opening a new thread before closing at least 2 of them. Now this is another thread which I am now scared will go halfway before I get whisked away by another life event.

And so on and so forth I suspect that this will go on recursively and I end up in misery. But somewhere I need to really start winding this down and keep things to a minimum. That is the only way to quiet the mind and keep a focus.

It is not necessary to pursue everything or many things. I recently (like this Monday) discovered Minimalism and it felt like I was struck by lightning in a good way. To be specific, I landed on the Minimalists and ended up watching 2 documentaries on Netflix.

I hope this new found thread helps me with this Multithread problem. Very soon I may need to change the blog title for 18000 RPM to Turtle pace or Snail walk. Opening a new thread now.

Ten Percent Less

About 5 to 6 years back, streaming services were just coming up. Everyone relied on just Satellite TV and they went about their day. If it interests you watch, if not just move on. Similarly, there was lesser attraction to food delivery, barbecues etc. The point I am getting to is that, binging of all form was quite less. Now that we have more than what we can normally consume in a normal day, we do more, to justify its price or the money that we spend on it. Just because a barbecue buffet is about 700 rupees, I have seen people hoarding food and eating like there is no tomorrow and that Stomach is one huge trash can. This is not specific to any country either, but rather a global phenomenon. It is a trend change in human behavior which can have long lasting impact on our species future and evolution.

In order to see how this can be solved, first thing is we need to arrive at being aware that it is a problem for ourselves. Without being aware, we just blame the whole world and we can go about binging things ourselves. Awareness will bring us to the context of what we are binging specifically and if they need to be reduced. There is a Tamil saying, “If you go overboard, even nectar is poison”.

So here is what I did, I thought of this simple formula. On an average, is it possible for us to reduce “binging” or “consumption” by Ten percent ? If so, what are the positive effects that it can have. An assumption I am making is, I know how much I was consuming things in the past and on an average I can reduce by Ten percent. For example, If I was having 5 idlis for breakfast, I can make it 4. If you are at a restaurant (buffet or a-la carte), let go of that Soup or a starter or skip ordering a compulsory main rice dish or don’t hit the desert. Figure out a comfortable Ten percent to let go. If you watch a lot of TV shows, give up 1 or 2. Not everything needs to be watched. If you watch 4 movies a weekend, make it 3. If you spend an hour on Social media, bring it down to 45 mins. Nobody will miss you.

Of course, it is harder than being said. All of the above, is actually notes and tips for me to follow. I am just writing here, so that it can be shared across as well, or see what other people would think and go about.

So what can Ten Percent Less of binging, bring about ? Let’s see …

Break out of the Brick wall

Feelings and Emotions pass. But if they are very intense and overwhelming they can stay a while or just stay for long and block. It’s like a storm and we all know it will soon pass by. But we still hold on to despair. So it is not the storm but it is the despair that blocks us.

Despair makes us feel lonely. It puts a wall around us, resists us to come out and puts us inside. Wall gets thicker. Sometimes a brick breaks and we leak out of it by the pull of a ray of sunshine. We smoke out of it like the wind and soar high and mix with the air. That is the immense feel of joy. But to feel this joy, you need to build a wall, recognize the wall and then break it brick by brick.

For it is the captivity and longing that makes the Joy intense. This experience is much more powerful than just reading it second hand or hearing it third hand.

The best is to experience it all by yourself. Hear it, Feel it, Smell it, See it and Relish it. It will be as intense as a nice Rock Music.

Meditate for yourself. Meditate for the world.

Love and Peace.

Watching the World as Poetry

I finally finished watching the series – Dickinson on Apple TV+. When I started the first season during the time it was released, I expected it to be just another historical/biography series, that I might throw away after 1 or 2 episodes. One Episode into it, it quickly caught my attention as it wrapped up modernity, imagination, width and depth of it and surprisingly contrasting yet matching Soundtrack.

The characters somehow seem to have a flare that exhibited not only what was for the period, but also a tinge of what is “Now” in the present and a bridge of what could have been with a knowing of what is in the present. It is as if a retrospection of how would the characters be if they have a knowing of the future as their own versions of the vision. The Makers were keep on bringing the visionary perspective in most of the progressive characters in the story including the Poet, Emily Dickinson herself.

Emily Dickinson played by Hailee Steinfeld (who had also recently played the role of Hawkeye’s prodigy in the series) was quite natural in character and yet had a quirky placement to paint the phenomenon that I explained in the previous paragraph. She kind of grew into it from Season 1 to 3 with her vivid imaginations and her approach to society and vision for future. I did pick up to read some of actual Emily Dickinson’s poetry as a result of watching the series. The collection is available for free in Apple Books store. I am continuing to read, whenever I feel like. It is calming !

Overall, it is a good series to watch that is out of the normal and surprises us with presentation and imagination. Wiz Khalifa’s portayal of Death is immortalizing ! I also felt Season 3 to be the best of all with the backdrop of Gory realities of the American Civil war in the backdrop.

I only wonder how many have watched this series in India, as Apple TV+ is not a popular OTT platform at all in India.

Thanks to the Food Givers

The food that comes to our table every day, every meal is a miracle. The Farmer who has to depend on Sun and Earth, Nature’s blessings in rain, nurture what is sowed and then send it to the world through a supply chain network that is full of political and technical complexities and then somehow reach the retail vendors, from who we get it and cook in our kitchen. Every morning, when you wake up and open your door, to see that milk packet magically appear is proof that this complex network works almost 100% of the time.

This day becomes the day of gratitude to that complex networked social organism from Nature to Human, from Sun to the Farmer to the animals to the merchants and finally to the Chef of the Hotel/Home. A simple thank you may not be enough for this miracle but let’s do that anyway, as that is the only thing that we can give wholeheartedly and at this very instant. Gratitude.

Today’s Food network is even more complicated. It is not like there is a Cow in the backyard and you milk it every morning and bring it inside. To add to this complexity, we now have the Food Delivery apps that tries to simplify this complexity and helps us reach what couldn’t have before. Before this innovation, we had to order food using a paper menu that would have been collected by us, call their number and hope they deliver, or else we go and pickup. It worked by trust and just human words. The buyer doesn’t know if the food will be ready, and the seller doesn’t know if the buyer will turn up and pay for the food. But it worked over a period with repeat orders and trust building.

In the age of Food delivery app, Trust building will still hold good. We are mostly likely to order from a place again and again, where we had a great experience in taste and delivery time. But if there is a lack of it, then we may not even turn back to give another chance. This is a ruthless ecosystem, especially when there is a huge churn in restaurants closing and cloud kitchens springing up. This is going to change even more with more options of cuisine readily available and cause decision paralysis for the buyer. We could bank on AI and Machine learning over a period, but again we are so using to stick shift, we need that manual feel of control and that yearning to chase for the next new taste.

Whatever be the case, there will still be the Social Trust if a seller needs to survive with customers coming back and not ending up chasing that “New Taste” from a newly opened outlet. This year, I add my Gratitude to all those restaurants who do a great job in Food taste, presentation and delivery and feature in my list, to go back for repeat orders again and again.

Thanks to all the food givers.

New Year and a New You

It is the time of the year for all of us to declare our resolution and purge it by a fortnight, usually with Gym membership. I hope by now it has become a cliche, at least for those of us who by now have figured that it has little to no effect.

This New you in the new year should be someone who is willing to steer in the right direction by creating small habits of good things every day. A Small 1 percent change in the right direction can have an avalanche effect in future. What is that 1 percent change ? Is it waking up early ? Is it adding something to a routine or changing a routine ? You should be able to figure that out, but it is most effective when it is small and can be tied to an existing routine or timing.

I would recommend the book Atomic Habits (in physical or audio format) to get started into such thinking and practice. I went through the audio format in Audible and I have to say this book has been a very good influence for me in the past six months and has definitely sown the seeds of creating a new future me. I am now at a stage where I can say how much impact it has had, and I can pin point the positive routine changes and the effect it has had in me.

There is still a lot to learn and apply but the most important impact it has had is how I approach things in a much more Systematic way. Schedule things to be done and focus on those at right times, helps in avoiding future fire fighting and last minute work. Most importantly, it has helped me to learn and catch up on new topics, which I can use at work and personally as well.

This New Year, our New You should be that personality that yearns to change, but not forcibly, but through such simple and small habits that will indirectly help us in become a better version.

Not by force, but by Habit. The New You.

A Day goes by …

We all associate results with a productive day. But somedays go by without any results and we most likely feel dissatisfied or unproductive. It is natural to feel this way in a fast paced competitive world. We want to show millimetres of success, however small may be, everyday. After several experiences, by now, most of us must have understood that this is not possible.

Sometimes, a day goes by … and nothing happens.

It is ok to be so and instead focus on the simple small steps that we do right, every single day. It may not have an effect on that day, but eventually it will hit the success button with a bang. Moving forward with determination every day is more important than trying to taste ounces of success every single day.

Focus on refining the process helps a lot. What am I doing for achieving a certain result ? Am I doing it right or enough or is the pathway needs to be corrected. This is most likely your course steering to keep you on the bearing. This is also where most of us feel lost in the middle. During this time, it will be good to seek help of the wise and experienced, who might have gone down the path. Remember, wise are the ones that will only show you the path in which you are going, they will not advice you with history lessons of how they made it and you should do the same. For all practical purposes, your path is entirely different from others.

This begs the question, is the one who is guiding you, really wise ? Well, only your intuition can tell and with some trust and trial and error. Sometimes we are gifted enough to have the solution right away. But sometimes, we will have to fall and learn. It’s ok to fall, just pick yourself up and move forward in another direction.

The essence is, how we keep moving forward or even prepare for moving forward, when a day just goes by …

Resistance and Attraction

In Headspace, there is a meditation course called Acceptance in which the teacher asks you to be aware of what you are resisting in order to attain Acceptance. By becoming aware, by just observing the thing or situation that you are resisting, you feel lighter and have the ability to let go and accept. It does wear off and you may need to practice everyday to master it. I haven’t mastered it, far from it.

I do have an observation though. When we resist or attract a thing or situation, the actual events that happen in our mind is – there is us from an experiencer point of view and there is this thing or situation in front of us and then the force. The force is either positive where we want to have it and hence attract it, or it is negative where we want to push it away or resist it. In both the cases, the thing or situation needs to be visualised and formed in the mind, for us to exhibit the force. In both cases, the thing or situation ends up in your mind.

Naturally, we end up in a cycle of attracting and resisting things. If I now begin to apply the awareness or observation aspects on both resistance and attraction, then the force itself loosens and the thing begins to fade away. What then remains is tranquility, however brief it may be. I have noticed this feeling of peace for about 5 to 10 minutes after which it begins to wear off. But these 5 to 10 minutes are the most beautiful moments to cherish.

What happens after this is that, somehow the obstacle that you may have had in terms of resistance or attraction moves away and the next action or idea that you need to focus on appears. You gain solution to the problem. After my 5 to 10 minutes of tranquility and over the course of the day whether it is at work or at home, a certain kind of idea or solution pops up, which you can try out or take next steps on.

Resistance and Attraction are just two sides of the same coin and by simply becoming aware of it, I seem to be able to slowly fade it and gain insight into next steps. What matters more is what we do next and whatever we do if we do it with right intentions, it always works for the best.

Ilaiyaraaja Official

Sometime in 2013 most of Ilaiyaraaja’s catalog was pulled out of iTunes store and other places due to a legal spat with Agi music label. The only way to listen to a lot of those albums were through the Audio CDs that you may have got sometime back or on scatchy videos on YouTube.

At some point, we had a fan of Ilaiyaraaja, Muthusamy who released some of the albums, mastered in DTS/High quality. But that did not last for long as well. Ilaiyaraaja then had released a lot of his albums in his own app, which was not so great.

Finally, after all this, in 2021, the songs that once we were listening to very freely on cassettes, radios and functions in the 80’s and 90’s, is now available on Streaming services. Not all albums though but definitely coming up slowly. Hope we will get most of those missing gems of albums from Ilaiyaraaja. He seems to be releasing it under his own banner as Ilaiyaraaja official and available in Lossless quality in Apple Music (CD Quality).

Happy Nostalgic Listening !

Ilaiyaraaja Artist Page on Apple Music

The Prestige

Not the Pressure Cooker. A Christopher Nolan film in the early stages of his career, perhaps this is a film which he can indicate in his Resume, as key achievements. Nolan has a characteristic style of story telling evident in his recent ventures in Interstellar, Dunkirk through which he got quite famous here in India. It is after these 2 movies that Christopher Nolan reached such heights that many filmgoers here talk about him much and use him as a filming/reviewing benchmark. (Tarantino is another, but that will be for another day).

The Prestige is a movie with a unique story revolving around rivalry between 2 professional magicians. A story of revenge and sabotage and an obsession over finding the secret behind each ones craft. Where Nolan excels is in his characteristic Non-Linear story telling. You will have to watch closely, which is now, which is later and which was what it was. Someone close to me made a funny remark on this style, as in “This guy doesn’t eat Dosa directly, He must be eating the batter and then sitting on the stove himself”. My son who was playing with his toy while I watched the movie, remarked towards the end “hey the movie is starting again”, while it is ending at where it starts. Threads are spawned and then You can see the references finally joined together and made complete towards the end.

The curiosity is created, characters are formed, sketched and developed through the scenes and you can literally see the obsession growing in each one of the protagonists. Bale and Jackman simply excel each other in various scenes. All, for the last act of the magic, the Prestige.

Are you watching closely?

If you want to, then you can now watch this on Amazon Prime in India.

I have the Bluray as well, while the Bluray picture quality is better, the sound is Dolby Digital and surprisingly Prime’s audio mastering is better than the Bluray audio. I don’t want to spoil too much, but I loved the way he interwove the time period with a real historic character and real events and inventions around it.

Takkunu Takkunu Loop

Sometimes you come to a song which keeps playing in loop. It can be so catchy that you wake up, walk, move, run and go to bed with it. I don’t know if it is HipHop Tamizha or Anirudh or Sivakarthikeyan or (not the last) Nayanthara, but the combination seems to have kicked with this single from Mr. Local. I like the way it starts with a bit of a vomitting hum and then picking on EDM style and then mixing on the way with a bit of Dance mix and then Indian Dance.

Takkunu Takkunu

This sparked me to create a playlist called Infinite Tamil Loop, any song that keeps going on in infinite loop will get added to this playlist. In the recent times 2 more songs had got there – Kannamma from Ispade Rajavum Idhaya Raniyum with full credits to Sam CS and Anirudh and the obvious Rowdy Baby with all credits to Sai Pallavi and Yuvan Shankar Raja. I hope I can add more eligible songs as they come through. But I am planning to keep this loop very small and knock out the ageing ones.

Infinite Tamil Loop